Do you know how to Love yourSelf?

Pernilla Lillarose

Do you know how to Love yourSelf?

Most of us have never really learned to love or even accept ourselves for all that we are. It feels like an epidemic that we are all infected and affected by without a real cure in sight. We see and feel how everybody else is living a life filled with self hate and lack of self respect, so it can be challenging to be the one who dares to stand out and say: “I love myself and I accept myself for who I am.” Can you imagine the looks you may get? “Who do you think you are?” Well, let me tell you who you are:

You Are Love.

You are made of Love. And there is nothing about you that is not Love. That is you in a nutshell. But if I told you: “Go Love yourself” you probably wouldn’t know what to do. How did we all buy into the same beliefs that we are bad, wrong, not good enough and unworthy of love? How we have moved so far away from who we are – our true nature – is a mystery. A good question to ask yourself is:

How can I do it differently?

How do I love that which I want to get rid of? How can I accept what I reject? It may feel like an impossible task, I know. However, there is a solid middle step you can take between accept and reject, and between love and get rid of.


This middle step is called Allowing. Allowing is the clear solution for anything that is resisted. We have learned to resist almost everything about ourselves without ever questioning it. I have an old PhD in ‘lack of self love and lack of self acceptance,’ so I know these feelings intimately, and know how painful and debilitating they are. Many years ago while doing deep inner work, I suddenly felt the impact of such unkind and unloving behavior towards myself. It was awful. I sobbed and sobbed realizing what I had been doing to myself most of my life. That moment I clearly decided to put an end to this violence. I took a stand for Love. It still took me many years to get to the bottom of this, and even to this day, I still see new aspects as I keep deepening into my True Nature. But once I got the hang of it – how to allow vs resist and how to listen to all of myself with a kind Heart – I started earning a new PhD. I gained mastery in Self Love and Self Acceptance. There is no exam at the end where you never have anymore stuff coming up. Part of this mastery is to keep allowing no matter what shows up inside, and being OK with new layers revealing themselves. The PhD is in knowing how to use this acceptance muscle daily, hourly, and keep it strong and vibrant. With this hard earned PhD I now love to help others earn this same degree. Let’s start off with this little exercise:

How to Allow

Find an area in your life that you are not happy with. Then feel inside your body what the impact of that is. Where do you feel it? Is it a fist in your belly? Tight shoulders? Clenching jaws? Normally we resist feeling the impact of experiences in our life that don’t feel good. By resisting the feelings, we create a knot in our body that is experienced as tension, fear, insomnia, anxiety and so much more. Once you have located your specific feeling in your body, I am inviting you to make space for this feeling instead of trying to get rid of it. We are focusing on your FEELING right now and not on the outer experience. Instead of holding your breath so you won’t feel it, try something new: Be willing to allow it to be there. Don’t try to change it. Just allow it for a moment and take a conscious breath into that sensation. Now take another breath right into the core of that uncomfortable sensation. Imagine that this breath enters so it can say “hello” to it. A friendly ‘hello’ as if it really cares and wants to get to know you. Do you notice anything changing about the previous experience of discomfort and tension? Does it feel a little more open to being seen now? Is it less scared now because you are not rejecting it? Is it relaxing a little? If it does, let yourself feel this relaxation and enjoy it. Take another gentle breath into it as if you are filling it with kindness and Love to help it relax even more. Well, now that this part knows it has your loving Allowing attention, it will soon be ready to start communicating with you. But it needs to be sure that you stay in a state of Allowing and openness to any wisdom and communication that may come. The last step is Love. Once you know how to allow and how to listen, you are able to learn what this part needs from you, and that is how you start

Loving yourself.

What truly matters to you, when you don’t reject it? What are your real needs and your core values, when you listen to them? Now you can start living in alignment with yourself and your values and dissolve the barriers that kept you from listening. The Love that you bring to yourself dissolves these barriers and help you merge into one big ocean of Love – the real You. The real You who has been lovingly waiting for you to stop resisting yourself for all that you are.

Thank you Pernilla Lillarose for this guest blog post! Pernilla is a Consciousness Coach and Certified Hakomi Practitioner empowering Women to Trust Themselves and Know their True Value.,,